Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
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