I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
