The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
