So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think people are normalizing furries
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
