Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
