the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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