Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
