so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
