My vagina just recognized that song.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My dick has a subreddit
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
