you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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