I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
