I got chris browned last night
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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