I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
