quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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