Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
