i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
