Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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