Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
