Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
