omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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