your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
