So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
