I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
as a side note pls kill me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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