i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i already hear my dad disowning me
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
