The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
