I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
