Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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