Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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