First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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