Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
