Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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