Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
