My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
