1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
