tell your sister to shave her snatch
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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