Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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