Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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