I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
