OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
