if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
