tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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