You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i drank out of a bidet.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
