marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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