Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
