Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
