why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
