btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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