i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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