i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
