I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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