I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
