mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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