You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
