I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
