I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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