the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
