the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
